Crush Diaries Episode 1— 6 (Depression)

Cringgggg! Cringgg! Crinngggggg!!! Bena!
Yeah right, its morning again. Taping the bed to reach my phone, I sat up and unplugged it from charge. It read Tuesday 2nd September; First day of Second Semester.
So soon the vac is gone and it’s time for another academic fiesta with all the chills, stress and fun sides.
The alarm rang again coinciding with Mums screaming in the doorway.
Bena! wake up now! Else you will be late.
Smiling I got up and thought out loud if mum is such a good alarm why do I keep setting the one on my phone. LOL, Question for another day.
 Mum promised to drop me off at campus if only I finish early so lemme hurry.

On-campus, the atmosphere seems not to have changed much. Just a few renovations and repainting of old buildings in line with the upcoming anniversary. Apart from that, same old faces, slay queens, wannabees*, prim proper students and some of us who are a bit of everything. Haha.
First two classes were quite ok, introductions and course outline. One more then I'll be done for the day. Checking my phone trying to figure out where my next class is, I noticed him sauntering confidently in my direction. Voow this is fine! I pretend not to have noticed but I keep stealing glances damn he is fine one of those you see and acknowledge the creator's handiwork.
 Well, hope to see you soon.

The days came and went and soon its a Friday of the 3rd week. Assignments are by now the order of the day spiced with a few presentations.
Entering one class, I heard some sort of heated argument going on at the back of the class. From the exchanges, I deduced that it was on the ongoing UEFA Champions League so just ignored.
I settled on one of the front row seats and tried to prepare for the class. Just then I heard one of them hailing someone who just joined the conversation. By now a small crowd had formed.
Looking back I noticed him again. Laughing boisterously and explaining something with some confidence that made everyone seem to listen. There was something about the way he spoke that got my attention.
 I couldn't tell if it was his tone or fluency but something was definitely leaving an effect on me.
Soon the lecturer walked in and the crowd dispersed. The class continued with normalcy but I couldn't shrug off what I felt.

One time he walked in late and decided to sit by me. Here! it was a long day.
But afterwards, it got me thinking. Am I hooked? oh no don't let this be true
Oh, diary, you are my only confidant but the sad truth is I think I am crushing on Mr. Fine.

Dear Crush,
Nothing gets me hyper than the idea that someone likes me. The excitement is even better if the person per my own lenses is fine. Perhaps I was even admiring and presuming things in my mind. Haha.
There are times along a path you seem to edging towards a fine boy walking in the opposite direction. You look away and pretend not to have seen the person but occasionally you steal a glances then bam! You catch the person also looking at you. Herh the way that can elevate my mood. I tell you, you have no idea.
Sadly thats not the case with you. You never seem to notice me anytime I see you or even when we happen to be in the same space. But the impressions others give me reassure me that im worth your admiration so dear wossop.
Erh till when.

Yours in need of your Attention,
Bena.


DEAR CRUSH

Why do I feel funny and uncomfortably good in your presence? I act like I have not seen you but trust me that is a lie and an intentional ploy to get your attention.
Last Tuesday, you asked out loud in the newsroom that you wanted a girlfriend .
(That week was for practical training at the school's radio station).
Oh you should have been in my head😦.
How can I be here and you are looking for a girlfriend? What do you want that I dont have? Erh! Not to brag but I think im a fine gerrl 😆 , so oya bring it on.
I'm sort of sad because of this so goodnight and be sure to dream of me cos will definitely ask tomorrow.
Haha let's hope I can!


DEAREST Crush,
 I seem to have a problem. Can I say it's spiritual or social or physical or manipulated Hmmm cant tell
Its keeps happening maybe you have an answer so lemme proceed.
Why do the wrong guys pick up my number after social gatherings?
Better still why do the people I like, sit back, while those I have not yet spotted or cannot like based on a few things, walk up to start conversations with me. Arg!
Like this recent past inter hall quiz competition on campus. Being an organizer I moved around a lot and due to a few errors in planning, there was a lot to do at the time of the program.
Crush, I noticed you and a friend conversely lightly while observing my tos and fros.
You looked really fine and was super glad when you asked me for water. This is because thereafter we engaged in a little chit chat. Brief but fun.
Spoiler alert! I forgot to take your contact. Shoot!
Funny enough the guy you walked with that day called me later in the evening. With me wondering again Why do the wrong guys always pick up the contact?

 Yours in need of answers,
Bena


HEYA CRUSH,
Don't know why I keep penning down these letters. Maybe silently I pray you get to read them though at times I'm so scared it will reveal so much.
But someday, one day, you may.
 Today I have come with a fight.
Remember we had Anthropology class together early on today and you actually sat next to me.
 Herh I was elated may be that is even an understatement. Yet throughout the class you never said a word to me.
It was like I didn't even exist.
At first I thought you were in a bad mood and didn't want to talk until you answered a question and made a shared joke with the class. I think I laughed the hardest. Then I started waiting, giving JoROMI signals, stealing glances and looking in your direction more than it is permissible. Trust me I'm an expert so you would not notice.
Finally, class ended and I had to leave for the next class. So I staged another plot way better than that of the assassins of Julius Ceaser. In the hall way as you were coming I lowered my head with my eyes on phone just so I could bump into you. Then Guess what I hit your friend because apparently you guys had switched positions in the course of your conversation. Naah, I am still thinking about it. How come it went wrong?
Have been rethinking the whole day and then thought of letting you know with this letter. Please don't get mad just that next time please pay attention small wai. 

Yours truly in depression.
BENA