INITIAL SELF CONTROL

I know perfectly well how long it has been since my last blog post on this lovely blog. I also know that my faithful readers do not care what caused the delay in my next post,and that all they care about is the continuous production of some good write up they can read and comment on. I know this because it’s part of human nature and as selfish as we are , we also have to live with that fact. Just as I don’t care whether my favorite NBA player is feeling like taking a vacay or not , all I care about is that he comes to play and  play well when he’s healthy. So yes I perfectly understand this concept and I have also come to perfect terms with it .

There is the sudden upsurge of relationship problems with the youth in my part of the world which got me thinking a lot these days. Well yes I'm not the average young man that finds himself entranced in life to the point that they do not notice what others are going through. Personally, I've not really experienced that level of deep love and I hope when I do, the world happens to be at it's safest point for connections. It turns out every morning when I jump onto Twitter like every average young person , there is a fellow student, youngster, sister, brother who'd had his/ her heart broken by another in a commitment. As devastating as it could be or practically funny depending on your sentiments and values it all boils down to one simple question ; why? 

Why do people suddenly fall out and decide to cheat in their relationship or end it ?

Why does it happen all of a sudden and how long does it take a person to realize they've had enough? 

Personally, I’ve gone a long period without a partner and it hasn’t got anything to do with self confidence or my appearance. Before I explain to you why, let me tell you a story about a Liberian American girl I met. 

It was one of those chilly evenings on a vacated legon campus, and I had stayed behind for one or two reasons ( you are probably thinking devious). That evening, I had finished my meal at the night market and I was still seated all alone with my faithful cellphone busily streaming through my Instagram feed, then all of a sudden I was surrounded by an army of dark skinned beautiful people ( at least that was what I thought) . They all wore a smile on their faces and they spoke in a language that made me think if my brain was a CPU, it’d probably crush down trying to figure out whether it was French or English or probably English mixed with French. Amongst the melanin bunch was this light skinned short young lady that moved straight to me and uttered the words “ ca yo hotzport “ , I nearly laughed at that interesting accent but I didn’t but rather, I nodded and I just switched on my hotspot so she can connect to my cell’s internet.  She thanked me and went on to call her family via WhatsApp to inform them that she’s been in Ghana for past 6 hours. After her call she mentioned “uncle Dream” and thanked me , I got a little surprised and then jolted back to reality when I realized that she might have got that from my WiFi name . Ann ( her name though ) went on to tell me how it’s been hard to talk to any Ghanaian since they arrived and that I’m the first one to give such a  big deal of help to her (I smirked while she said that) and then when our conversation got deeper she went on to ask me whether I came along with my girlfriend, ( I laughed this time ) but I explained to her that I wasn’t dating anyone . Ann, seemed perplexed while she told me how much she admires Ghanaian men because of their will to keep grinding and how much responsibility they take upon themselves in relationships. Ann and I spent a couple days talking about the differences in both cultures, (Ghana vs Liberia ) and I must say that I learnt a lot from Ann, and I was getting pretty close to her. She told me that I shouldn’t find it weird if she proposed to me because it’s a norm in her culture since most women have money than the men and she could even pay for a wedding. So here I was, staring at a light skinned, beautiful young woman whom I’d grown fond of. She was telling me what’s on her mind and it felt like a dream because she was pretty and most men will want her but I wasn’t in love. I liked her boldness, her perfectly smooth skin and her curvy body but I wasn’t in love. She was tempting and if I was careless I’d deceive her that I love her too and probably get the chance to go to bed with her but I wasn’t in love and I wasn’t going to risk losing such a friend because what rested between my loins could not take a rest. She wanted a commitment that I knew very well that I won’t be able to give for the long haul. I told her no and I think it hurt but she understood and our friendship remained as good as ever when she got over it, so honestly I think that situation is the same thing most of my peers go through these days. They probably wanted someone lustfully, just for that interesting feature like that perfect skin , or that curvy backside, or probably that intimidating height but they usually forget to ask themselves if they love the person well enough to commit to them. If they ask themselves this question the answer will most likely be no. Being a single adult is hard but being with someone you don’t really care about is hazardous. If you can’t control yourself and make hard decisions for yourself then how do you intend to raise children of your own one day ?